Love Yourself

Love is a word that is used very often to show affection for people, pets, things, occupations and the like. But what are these feelings we have for these different people and things in our lives?

First let's define the word love. According to Dictionary.com:

Love

n

1. A deep, tender, ineffable (Incapable of being expressed; indescribable or unutterable.) feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

3.

a. Sexual passion.

b. Sexual intercourse.

c. A love affair.

4. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.

5. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.

6. An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.

7.

a. A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.

b. The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.

Why when we are in love with another person why do we experience such an array of physical changes? Things like inability to concentrate, daydreaming, loss of appetite, jitters, and many other symptoms.

In an article by Lara Kallich titled Biology and Philosophy of Love, she has this to report:

"And what does biology have to say about love? First of all, it seems to be widely agreed amongst biologists who study the subject that love is an essential part of human functioning. Dr. Arthur Janov, author of The Biology of Love, brings up a developmental fact essential to understanding this point: "The right hemisphere, which is larger than the left, is the site of feelings and emotions and of holistic, global thinking. Thoughts, planning, and concepts are the domain of the left hemisphere. The right brain is largely mature at the second year of life; the left brain is only beginning its maturation at that time. Feelings pre-date thoughts. In terms of evolution we are feeling beings long before we are thinking ones." Furthermore, it has been shown that neglect, or lack of love, has a serious impact on human ability to survive and develop properly. Dr. Janov notes that infants who are neglected have brains that are significantly different from normal brains: the number of stress-hormone receptors, for example, are much lower in the brain of a neglected infant, which entails a higher level of stress - and therefore unhappiness - in that person.

Biology, as of this point in time, has successfully determined what processes exactly occur in the brain when one loves another person. However, there are studies that have been done that show some interesting correlations. Dr. Helen Fisher posits a dramatic increase in the amount of dopamine and norepinephrine present in the brain when one first becomes infatuated with another person, which would account for the feelings of euphoria, giddiness and so on that one would experience at that point. Another study showed that, in the brains of people who had recently fallen in love, serotonin levels were significantly higher than those in the brains of the control group. Yet another study demonstrated the possibility of a correlation between the ability of adults to bond emotionally with one another and the presence of the hormone oxytocin, which is normally associated with human reproductive processes such as lactation and, interestingly, male and female orgasm.

So therefore, as humans we need love in order to survive and function! We need to love other people, pets, a fulfilling occupation and an all around feeling of self worth. Receiving love from others, our pets, our co-workers and bosses and above all, our self is just as vital.

If we do not have these loves in our lives we must take time to evaluate our lives. Begin to do self-evaluation and start with our love for ourselves, for if we do not love self, how can we give love to another? It is like pouring an eight-ounce glass of water out of a pitcher that only contains a few drops.

But what does self-love mean? Isn't it selfish? Isn't it arrogance? Not at all! When we are comfortable with who we are on personal levels as well as a member of society then we tend to have less anger, less likely to be critical, and experience a level of tolerance.

Some questions to ask yourself are:

1. What are my weaknesses?

a. Am I an impatient person?

b. Do I get angry easily?

c. Do I tolerate others' faults or am I critical?

2. What are my strengths?

a. What do I like about myself?

b. What compliments do others give me frequently?

3. Am I comfortable being by myself?

4. What are my personal goals?

a. Marriage?

b. A better marriage?

c. Having children?

d. Being a better parent?

5. What are my professional goals?

You get the idea, look at yourself and list the answers to these and any other questions you may think of along your self-journey. Begin to write down ways to change these things and choose one thing per month to work on. Keep a journal of your progress and look back on it often to see how far you have or have not come. Make adjustments accordingly and do not worry about having a time frame of when these things should be 'solved' as everyone is different and changes at different paces.

These ideas expressed in this article are not intended to replace the services of a professional therapist, they are for information purposes only. If you feel that you need professional services please seek out a local therapist.

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